the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
