you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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