there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
