Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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