I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
