Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
