I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
dude. I can hear the air.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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