i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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