escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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