What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He passed out mid-signature
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
