I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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