your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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