my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
