Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
