all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
