I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
This girl is more easily done than said...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
