So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
