Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
