i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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