If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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