I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
