I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
