i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Did you just see the Batmobile???
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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