He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
