why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
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