Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
