Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
