im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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