Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
