Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
