You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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