I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize