She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
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Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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