I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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