apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
