Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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