adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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