Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We need to get me chipped asap
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
