WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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