so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
