You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
