he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
