I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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