i was born a porn star she said
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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