I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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