Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
