According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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