yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
its liver damage thursday
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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