he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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