Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
