You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
