I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
