As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
