He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Randomize
