ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I have fence marks all over my body
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
