Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
