I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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