My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
