It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
