Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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