do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
