you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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