Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Randomize
