I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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