He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
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Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
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I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
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