I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
