u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My penis needs a shock collar
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
