I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
