Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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