my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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