u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
