Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
